Happy Mother's Day!

Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers out there. Sometimes we forget how much our mothers have done for us, and we can take all the unconditional love we have received for granted. It's great that we have a day where we decide to focus on that love, and it's an opportunity for us to show our mothers that we do not take them for granted. That we love them, and appreciate what they mean for us.

The Curious Case of Connie Culp

Have you ever wondered whether your eyes were deceiving you? Whether the world was not exactly as you saw it?

I'm sure many of you have seen The Matrix. In one of the last scenes, Keanu Reeves, or Neo, looks around and sees a bunch of green numbers, and he realizes that for all intents and purposes, that's what the world truly is - a bunch of randomly associated green numbers.

The point of that scene - in fact, the point of the entire movie - is that the world in which we think we live is not quite the world as it actually is. These concepts have been debated by historians, philosophers (The Matrix is loosely based on the ideas of Plato), and leaders for centuries.

All of these concepts lead us to ponder: Is there more to this world - more than what I can see with my own eyes?

The answers lies in the curious case of Connie Culp.

Connie's story is ubiquitous in the news now, as she recently underwent a full facial transplant. She is only the fourth person to successfully do so. Connie's husband shot her with a shotgun in 2004 and then turned the gun on himself. He eventually ended up spending 7 years in prison for shooting her. Hundreds of shotgun fragments were embedded in her skull and face, leaving her severely disfigured. Even after 30 surgeries, Connie could not eat solid food or breathe on her own.

On December 10, 2008, Connie endured a 22-hour surgery and face transplant, in the hopes of being able to live a relatively normal life. In January 2009, Connie was actually able to eat hamburgers and pizza for the first time in years.

Connie's psychiatrist, Dr. Kathy Coffman, relayed a harrowing story:

"Once while shopping, [Connie] heard a little kid say, `You said there were no real monsters, Mommy, and there's one right there,' " Coffman said. Culp stopped and said, " 'I'm not a monster. I'm a person who was shot,' " and pulled out her driver's license to show the child what she used to look like, the psychiatrist said.


Imagine: A little child who probably does not know much about the world, and even less about Connie, sees someone disfigured and automatically labels that person "Monster."

Have you ever met someone you spoke to briefly and automatically thought that person was either an idiot, or stupid, or perhaps naive just because of one or two things that person said? Or have you seen someone and automatically judged that person in any way, before you knew the full story? I know I have, and I regret it every time.

That is why every now and again we have amazing stories about people like Connie to set us on the right path.

"When somebody has a disfigurement and don't look as pretty as you do, don't judge them, because you never know what happened to them," Connie has said. "Don't judge people who don't look the same as you do. Because you never know. One day it might be all taken away."

The curious case of Connie Culp teaches us an amazing lesson. Often what we see is not the way things truly are. We've all heard "Don't Judge a Book By Its Cover," but do we actually live that way? Imagine all the opportunities that could open for us if we allowed ourselves to be enchanted by things we see as ugly?

Yes, G-d, the Universe, The Source, whatever we would like to call the Infinite Vastness that is Everything (I'll call it G-d) created us with the amazing gift of sight. And yes we can use this tremendous sense of sight for so much good.

But at the same time, we cannot fall in love with what we see. Seeing must not be believing, as it were.

For example, if you married someone based entirely on what you saw on the outside of that person, there is a good chance the marriage would not last too long. Intuitively we know this, but sometimes we need heroes or heroines like Connie to remind us.

Next time we start to judge someone or something based upon what we see, perhaps we can use this as a chance to take a step back and think, Am I seeing everything? Is there more to this story or person than what I can see?

If the answer is no, and your intuition is telling you that, great.

But if any part of you is clamoring for more, if you feel like there's more to this story than what you see, then don't judge, open yourself up to infinite possibilities.

Think of Connie.

Because each and every one of us (at one time or another) has been that little boy in the store, and each of us has has judged based on what there is to see on the outside. If we can embrace the inside, then we will be embracing the infinite and expanding into our best selves.

And instead of labeling what we see as Monster, we will think of what's invisible, and instead be thinking Wonder.

For more on the miracle that is Connie Culp, check out this video.

James Ray Feels The Same Way

James Ray, from The Secret knows how we feel. Check him out here.

He has a more "law of attraction" approach to these issues, but the point is the same: It's time to start focusing on what we do want and less on what we don't.

(I'm not promoting James Ray, just think it's nice to know that others are thinking the same thing.)

The Importance of Living Life According to Our Values

I had a very interesting conversation with a good friend over the weekend. We were talking about whether there is an objective "right" and "wrong" or "good" and "bad" in this world, and the pitfalls of thinking either way.

On the one hand, if there is an objective right and wrong, then the temptation to judge exists if we see someone doing the objectively wrong thing. But optimists (or aspiring optimists) know it's so important not to judge your fellow person, for judging represents the way we separate ourselves from one another and create more discord. It's what separates you from your core self, or as my friend might say, separates you from "The Source."

But on the other hand, sometimes it's helpful for us to have some sense of what we should and should not do, and there are positive benefits to an objective right and wrong. That way we know we are on the right track.

Is there a middle ground?

All of this led me to think about values. Values are those innate principles that are inherently a part of you. Paradoxically, you actually choose which values you want to align yourself with - but often they feel so natural it seems like you never had to choose anything to begin with. Values represent an internal guide book, so to speak.

Usually we choose our values from life experience, friends and family, religion (a big one if you are religious) and your internal sense of why you are here in the first place. Examples of values are honesty, service, loyalty, and independence. Even something like spontaneity might be a value you cherish, and hence, if you are not living a relatively spontaneous life you might feel an unknown sense of restlessness or loss.

But the point of all of this is that there are values that you choose to live by, and when you are not living your life according to your values, something just feels off. But when you are living your life in accordance with your values - you are at your happiest self. You're in line with your highest frequency, and life truly is amazing.

Back to judging good and bad. Maybe, just maybe, each one of us has our own version of good and bad based on the values we choose for ourselves. A subjective right/good and wrong/bad. If we are in line with our values, then we are doing the right thing. If we are doing something that is inconsistent with our values, then we are doing the "wrong" thing for us. But the wrong thing for you isn't necessarily the wrong thing for me. That's where judging comes in.

Judging yourself realistically (without being too mean to yourself) based on your chosen values can be helpful. It ensures that you are living the life you know you deserve. When you see/feel/know that things are a little off, you evaluate whether you are living life according to your values and you can change your actions if you so wish.

Either way - there is a good and bad that is your good and bad based upon living according to the values you have chosen for yourself.

For example, let's say you regard family as a value. And let us say that you forget to call your mom on Mother's day. Well, if family is a value for you, then not calling your mother is bad, or perhaps the wrong thing to do (or not do as the case may be) - for you. But, let's say that family is not an important value for me. Then calling my mother on Mother's day would not be bad for me.

Thus we see that it is possible for us to have a sense of right and wrong or good and bad based on living life according to our values. And we also see how important it is to live life according to our values. When we do, life is truly magical and we have an inner sense of peace, calm, and happiness.

Perhaps then the most important question to ask yourself is this: Do I know what my values are? Because how can we live our lives according to our values and do what's good for us if we don't even know what our values are in the first place?

If we can:

(1) Spend some time figuring out the values we have innately chosen to live by; and
(2) Live our lives according to them -

Then we can sit back and watch the magic begin. Happiness is not too far behind!