The Irony of Consciousness

As a life coach, one of the most important precepts that I try to impart to my clients is the concept of “consciousness.”  It is the idea that if we can just live our lives paying more attention and focus to the things that we are doing, thinking, seeing, living, feeling – then we can be more fulfilled in our existence.

Let me give you an example.  If you have read the great book “I Can Make You Thin,” by Paul McKenna, then you have been introduced to the idea of consciously enjoying each and every mouthful as the doorway to weight loss.  This means that when you are eating your egg and cheese croissant (courtesy of Dunkin’ Donuts) – if you can take a bite, and stop to think about and sense the amazing mixture of tastes in your mouth, savor the texture of the egg and the cheese and the bread, feel the wonderful combination as it hits your mouth and you explode in intense feelings of joy and taste and heaven as it rolls around your taste buds, moment by moment, getting more and more intense – then you will actually enjoy your food more, which will cause you to eat less.

Although I do love egg and cheese croissants, I only bring this idea to show you how important consciousness is.  If you can be present in the moment, then you can live a more meaningful and peaceful life.  It is through thinking that you slow down, enjoy more, and act in positive ways that serve you.

The same principle holds true in other situations.  If you are conscious of things like your breathing, of your thoughts, of your actions, then you can work on them and with them to get yourself to where it is you want to go in life.  Complete consciousness. 

As Oscar Wilde said:

“The consciousness of loving and being loved brings a warmth and richness to life that nothing else can bring.”

Ironically, however, if you’ve played a sport such as basketball, you have been introduced to the importance of “unconsciousness.”  That doesn’t mean that you are required to go into a comatose state to succeed in taking a foul shot, but it does mean that when you play ball or any other sport you are supposed to do the exact opposite as mentioned above – you are specifically not supposed to think.  Unconscious.

In this vein I’ve heard many (sports) coaches tell their players that they need to be unconscious, do not think, because if you do think then you will only fail in the sporting arena.

But this begs the question, if players like Derek Jeter and Kobe Bryant are unconscious when they are playing, i.e., they are not thinking at all, then doesn’t that fly in the face of the concept of consciousness as the pathway to happiness?  It would appear that these players, who are listening to their sports coaches and are at the top of their professions, are doing the exact opposite of what life coaches tell their clients.  Is the concept of consciousness is simply wrong?

The answer is not simple, but it’s very profound.

Yes, yes, the ideal level that we should all be on is the level of….

Unconsciousness. 

We should be at the point where we are so in the moment that there is no need for us to think about what we are doing.  You’ve been there, at least a few times in your life.

You’re doing something, anything.  Perhaps sitting with family.  Perhaps playing a sport.  Perhaps just being in nature.  And you feel so totally and completely in that moment that you aren’t thinking because you’ve transcended the level of thought.  You just “are.”  Life just “is.”  You’re so in that moment and happy that you’re not thinking at all.

Indeed, those are the moments that we should all strive for.

However:

The pathway to unconsciousness lies with consciousness!

Put another way, to get to that level of unconsciousness, that sublime state of super-happiness and oneness, you must develop some sort of discipline of consciousness.

This means that although Kobe and Derek are so totally in that moment they are not thinking, they have spent hours upon hours of thinking and going through each moment to get to that point.

They’ve visualized their success, they were conscious about every step they took to their success and it was through that they were able to achieve the sublime state of unconsciousness.

Kobe (in his mind) has hit a million last-second shots before he hits the ones in real life.  Derek has hit (consciously, in his mind) a million game-winning homeruns before he ever even gets to that moment.

Thus, as a life coach, I try to get my clients to consciousness so that there will come a time when they will be so totally in that moment that the need for consciousness melts away and they are totally one with the universe and themselves. 

That is the goal, universal oneness.  And the way to get there is through consciousness.

So savor that croissant.  Think through those moments.  Because they lead to such an intense moment of happiness, where you are totally alive.  You can get there.  You will get there.  And when you do get to that state of not-knowing, you will just know.

The Kindness of Strangers - A Wonderful Little Story

I just received a wonderful little real-life story about the kindness of strangers from a friend of mine. Her story is really great, and I hope that sharing it might brighten your day, and reveal that there really is so much goodness in this world. If you ever have a story you would like to share, please let me know and I’ll gladly help you share it with our little piece of the world. Enjoy :)

About six years ago I was going through some tough times. I was sitting on a park bench near my office, and it was towards the end of winter. I was trying to write something, anything, but I remember just staring at this empty page in my notebook, zoning out and simply not in a good place at all.

And then, this random guy walked by, looked at me, offered this knowing smile, and said to me: "Don't worry, the weather is going to get warmer soon."

That's all he said, just that, but something very small yet significant changed in me from hearing such simple, kind words from this stranger. I felt just a little bit better, just a little bit more okay, just a little bit more like someone cared.

It was soon thereafter that the weather both internally and externally did start to change. I remember months later, thinking about it from a safer, happier place, and wishing that I could have bumped into that stranger again to thank him.

As one might imagine, I never got that chance.

I had a similar experience a couple months ago. I was on my way home after a tiring day at work and I didn't want to be bothered with anything. When a seat opened up on the train I looked at the young woman standing near it to see if she was going to take it, but she smiled and told me to go for it as she was getting out at the next stop. Well I was too, but I took the seat anyway because, as I said, I was tired and not in the best of moods.

But then as we neared the next stop I felt a little foolish for sitting down for so short a time. As I gathered my things I looked at the young woman and said just that, and she replied something to the effect of:

"It's been a long day--you deserve a break even if it is only for a few minutes."

Such a small bit of kindness really changed my attitude that evening, and it was nice to experience that simple little encounter. But I later realized that while her kind words and smile helped make a bad day a little better for me, I didn't even think to thank her.

And then I met her last week when she came over to my house for dinner.

These things don't happen in real life, or at least I never thought they did. But it turns out she is married to an old friend I recently reconnected with, and they just moved to my neighborhood. And so I had invited them over for a Friday night meal. When she came through the front door I couldn't place her at first but I knew she looked familiar. When we finally connected the dots it was, well, quite brilliant, I'd say. And one of the best parts was that, unlike my experience six years ago, this time I actually got a second chance to say two simple words:

"Thank you."

We don't often get such second chances, though. My point is that even a simple kind word or act from a complete stranger can have a positive impact on someone else's day. As the giver of kindness or as the receiver, no one should take that kindness for granted.

So be kind, and appreciate when others are kind to you, whether you know them or not. And then maybe we can all pay it forward a little and brighten up the next person's day as well. Because you never really know how much you can affect someone else, either on a large scale or a small scale.

If we can all simply keep in mind to be good, to be kind, and to act towards others as we would have them act towards us, then maybe we can actually make this world a better, nicer, happier place in which to live.

By Dena Croog Cohen